thumb|300px|right|Petrov, Yelyena and Me (live version)
Petrov, Yelyena and Me is a song performed by Bret, Mel and Doug in the series final Evicted. It is sung in a heavy Russian accent and it is about three friends, Petrov, Yelyena and Burthult, lost at sea, and after a while Petrov and Yelyena begin to eat Burthult piece-by-piece over the period of 4 months, until finally Burthult consumes arsenic to poison his flesh, resulting in the death of the two cannibals. In the live show, Jermaine fills in as Petrov, and also sings the melody with Bret.
Petrov, Yelyena and Me, lost but happy at sea
Petrov and Yelyena said to me; "shouldn't we have something to eat?"
Well I said there's plenty of fish in the sea
But all they can see is me.
they say "Any last requests?"
Bidding my time I say yes
I want to party, just we three,
Lost, but happy at sea
So we drank all night from the keg
I passed out, then I woke with one leg
I said "Hey Petrov, have you seen my leg?"
He said "No" and he went back to bed.
But he looked suspiciously well fed.
Three days later they're hungry again, they say
"Any last requests, again, my friend?"
So I said "Do you know any Rolling Stones!?"
It was a hilarious moment in a very bleak, bleak time in my life.
So we danced all night to the Rolling Stones
When I woke up they were chewing on bones
Yelyena was sipping blood from a cup
That's when I knew something was up
"What is that you are eating? It looks like a meat!"
"Oh this, em, it's just one of those..ahhhhhhhh...Fish"
"How come it looks so much like my arm!"
"But what about the fingers?"
"Oh, it's just one of my arms seems to have been hacked off at the elbow last night.......I was just wondering if you might have seen it?"
"Oh hey look at that, no arm over there!...........Don't you just hate it when that happens!.....Hmmmm, you were very drunk last night, perhaps you lost it?.........In a fair game of chance"
"Oh yes, yes, you are probably right!"
"Yeah, you know how it is when you are drunk"
"Yes, that was probably it!"
" I.....I'd Bet my arm!......Just relax, enjoy the sea and have some *fish*!"
Four months now, lost at sea
My friends have almost finished me
Now they're using recipes
"Tonight, we are having some *Me Goren*"
"Burthult, this "You Goren" is delicious! You should come over here right now and try some, you will be a part of yourself!"
"HOW CAN I COME OVER THERE!!!! YOU HAVE EATEN ALL OF MY LEG!!!"
"OOOOOOOhhhhhhh.......I know SOMEBODY who isn't getting any!"
Later that night while they were asleep
I swallowed some arsenic to poison my meat
I was very ill, but revenge is soooo sweet
Unlike the last meal my comrades would eat!
"HAHAHA!! THAT'S IT!! EAT IT ALL UP!!!! NOT SO SWEET ALL OF A SUDDEN, HHMMM?!!!!"
When I awoke, they were already dead
All that was left of me was my head
No, not dead, just a head
Lost, but happy at sea
Lost, but so lonely, at sea.........